He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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