he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize