all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
