i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
