i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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