Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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