try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
where am i from again
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
