But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
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I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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