you traded sex for a burrito?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize