It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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