Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
