Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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