i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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