I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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