Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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