i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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