Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
