the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
