In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
