You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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