peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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