so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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