I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
