Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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