Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
