Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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