There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
