So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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