And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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