I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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