i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
