I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
