So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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