Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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