it wasn't lemon gatorade
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
