shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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