THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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