At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
