If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The beer is more important than you right now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
