My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
