I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
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You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover