I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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