so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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