Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(772): View more from Florida

Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend

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(956): View more from Texas

If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?

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(408): View more from California

just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious

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(917): View more from New York City

you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(864): View more from South Carolina

I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.

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(276): View more from Virginia

I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.

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(813): View more from Florida

Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.

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