Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
