the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
