I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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