There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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