names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
