Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
please don't ironically join a cult
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