Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
