he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
