so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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