seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
