when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
