i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
