Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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