I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
