I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
how do you play pong handcuffed?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
