dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
