And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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