That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
