sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
