My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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