They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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