R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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