You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
