My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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