a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
