Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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