i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
