Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
