That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
