I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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