erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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