Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i think i just lost a toe
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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