Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My vagina just recognized that song.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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