y did u give ur computer a hand job?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize