she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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