life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Buhtt sex?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
