Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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