Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
