I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
