youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
