i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
