Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
